I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
