chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
