i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
