If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
