i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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