I wanna bring you to show and tell
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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