Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
