ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
try to milk me bitch
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
