best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
