I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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