just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize