I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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