I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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