My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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