I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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