I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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