Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
