butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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