# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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