I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
