I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
