I just pynch a tree in the face
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
