6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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