i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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