Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
