And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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