I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize