her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
