when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
