If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
