My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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