if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
