Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
