Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
