I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
