had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Who died my cat blue again?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
