The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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