The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
