i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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