I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
