I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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