Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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