so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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