worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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