He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
