im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
