she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
