He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize