NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
