Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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