im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How naked do you want me to be?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
