his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
