I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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