I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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