I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
