I hate your face
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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