i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
