Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
