At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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