I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
