I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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