your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he had hair everywhere except his balls
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
