I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
