are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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