rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
