Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
