just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
