If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
