I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize