Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
