You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
