4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
