vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
