My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
