can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
