When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
