I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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