maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize