4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
