Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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