Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
