i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
