she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
