he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize