Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
