Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
