Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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