I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
