every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
