If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
