office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize