My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
