Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
