Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
