I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Randomize
