Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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