You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
