Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
