watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
