It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
