I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
