I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
