talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
