the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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