Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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