"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
