remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no you cant smoke seaweed
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize