i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
