That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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