i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Enjoy the penises
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
