whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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