so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize