omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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