She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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