Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
