I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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