I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
