Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
