Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
