i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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